How to do the weekly Love Ritual, step by step
All the steps, in the order the app takes you through them. For each one: what it’s for, how to do it well, and what to avoid.
In this guide · 12 sections
Why every week, even when nothing is wrong
The weekly ritual is a relationship check-in with a structure you both know in advance, and it happens whether or not anything is wrong. That is the whole trick. Most couples only sit down to talk about the relationship once something has gone wrong enough to force it, which teaches you both that a serious conversation means trouble is coming. A standing weekly slot breaks that link.
Appreciation gets said out loud.
Most of the good things partners think about each other are never spoken. Not out of coldness. There is simply never a natural moment. The ritual makes one, every week.
Small resentments get a scheduled exit.
What bothered you on Tuesday is easy to raise on Sunday and very hard to raise six months later, once it has grown roots. Nothing waits long enough to become a pattern.
Nobody has to open with “we need to talk.”
Those four words put most people straight into a defensive crouch. When the time is already on the calendar, raising something hard needs no announcement first.
Not late at night, not in the first hour after work, and not in the middle of an unresolved fight. Sunday morning, a weekday breakfast, a walk, anywhere you are both rested and not about to be somewhere else.
One gratitude each, anything urgent, and one thing to look forward to. A short ritual you actually do beats a long one you keep postponing, every single time.
Before you start
You do the whole ritual on one phone, side by side, and one of you takes notes. Two quick screens get you set up before the first step.
“Use one device and decide who is the Note Taker for today.”
One of you volunteers to type. You both talk, and the note taker writes down what gets said: each gratitude, the to-dos and who owns them, and a short summary after Safe Space. It’s a practical job, not a different part in the conversation. The note taker still shares, listens and answers like the other partner.
Whatever gets typed is what the app saves, for both of you. That’s how unfinished to-dos come back next week and how you can look back on past rituals. One phone and one person typing also keeps you facing each other instead of your own screens. The app shows who took notes last time and picks the other partner by default, so the job takes turns.
How to do it well
- Sit side by side so you can both see the screen. A few screens, like the mood check, ask you to pass the phone so each of you can answer.
- Same evening each week, in both calendars. The ritual works because it happens even when nothing is wrong.
- Choose a cozy, quiet spot.
- Light a candle and/or make tea.
- Prioritize eye contact and presence.
- Put your devices on Do Not Disturb.
- Make sure to eat. People are always kinder when their belly is full.
Mood check
Before anything else, each of you says how connected you feel right now. It takes a few seconds and gives you both a starting point.
“How connected do you feel to Kelvin? Answer and then pass the device.”
How to do it well
- Answer on the five-point scale, from “I feel ugh” to “I feel amazing”, then pass the phone.
- Answer for tonight, not for the week in general.
- You answer the same question again at the very end. The summary shows both, start and finish.
Answer honestly, even if it’s “meh”. A low start is useful information.
Comment on your partner’s answer or ask them to explain it. Just pass the phone back.
Opening practice
A short, shared moment that moves you out of the day and into the ritual.
“The goal is not perfection. It is simply to help your nervous systems settle and bring your attention fully to each other.”
How to do it well
- Pick one or more: 3-Min. Stretch, Dance Together, 3-Breaths Together, 6-Sec. Hug, or your own.
- Actually do it before you tap Next. The screen only records the choice.
- Had a rushed day? Choose something physical. A stretch or a dance settles a busy body faster than sitting still.
Three slow breaths, facing each other, before anyone says a word.
Skip it because it feels silly. A minute of settling makes every step after it easier.
Gratitudes
You take turns naming what you appreciated about each other this week. It sets the tone for everything after it.
“We recommend sharing at least two gratitudes each. Be specific and speak to something you genuinely noticed.”
How to do it well
- Ping-pong: one gratitude from you, one from them, and repeat. The app asks for the same number from each of you.
- Say it to your partner first, looking at them. The note taker types it afterwards.
- Start with a sentence starter from the app (“I’m grateful for…”, “I appreciate…”, “I love how…”, “Thank you for…”) and finish it with something from this week.
- When you receive one, say “thank you”. Don’t wave it away.
More on making appreciation land: a gratitude practice for couples.
“I’m grateful you walked Pepper every morning this week so I could sleep in.”
“Thanks for being you.” It’s kind, but there’s nothing to hold on to.
“I appreciate that you called the landlord before I even asked.”
“Thanks for finally doing the dishes.” A gratitude with a sting is a complaint.
Why it works. Regularly saying what you appreciate is linked to higher relationship satisfaction and closeness, and it counters the habit of noticing what’s missing first.
To-Dos
The practical part: the shared list that keeps your life together running.
“Use this section for shared responsibilities, plans, and next steps that support your life and relationship together.”
How to do it well
- Open “View Previous To-Do’s” first. Last week’s unfinished items are waiting there.
- Give every item an owner: Franchesca, Kelvin, or Both. Choose Both only for things you’ll really do together.
- Keep it to logistics and keep it quick. If a to-do starts an argument, save it for Safe Space.
“Book a sitter for Friday”, owner: Kelvin.
“Renew my passport.” Personal tasks go on your own list. This one is for the two of you.
“Set this month’s budget”, owner: Both.
“Stop leaving dishes in the sink.” That’s a feeling dressed up as a task. It belongs in Safe Space.
Safe Space
Each of you gets a turn to say one thing that matters and be fully heard. It’s the heart of the ritual, and the step that most rewards doing it well.
“Safe Space is the heart of Love Ritual. This is where deeper honesty and real understanding happen.”
How to do it well
- One topic per turn. The app suggests setting a timer for 5, 10 or 15 minutes; it chimes when time’s up.
- The sharer talks. The listener only listens, then mirrors back what they heard. For a long share, pause and mirror in sections.
- Once the sharer feels heard, the listener responds. Then swap roles.
- End each turn by writing a short summary together. The note taker types it; the app won’t move on without one.
When you share
- Speak from your own experience with “I” statements.
- Say what happened, how you felt, what you needed, and what you’re asking for.
- One topic. Save the rest for next week.
When you listen
- Mirror first: repeat what you heard in your own words, adding nothing.
- Check: “Did I get that right? Is there more?”
- Respond only after they say yes. Listen to understand, not to fix or defend.
“You don’t seem to care about us anymore.”
Try“I’ve noticed we haven’t really connected much this week (observation). I’ve been feeling lonely and tender (feeling). I really need closeness and reassurance in our relationship (need). Would you be open to planning some intentional time together this weekend? (request)”
If finding the words is the tricky part: how to speak so your partner can hear you.
What mirroring sounds like
“When you’re on your phone at dinner, I feel like I’m alone. I miss talking to you at the end of the day.”
“So you feel alone when I’m on my phone at dinner, and you miss our talks. Did I get that right? Is there more?”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“You’re right. Let’s put phones away at dinner. Mine first.”
Phone-free dinners, both of us. Kelvin starts tonight.
Mirroring mistakes
“I hear you, but…” The “but” cancels the mirror.
Correcting the facts while mirroring. You can share your side on your own turn.
Jumping to a fix before your partner feels heard.
Not sure what to bring?
If it gets heated. “If emotions rise, it is completely okay to pause, take a few deep breaths together, or ask for a short break before continuing.”
Fun Stuff
You finish the conversation by planning something to enjoy together, this week and further out.
“Both matter. One nurtures the relationship now. The other keeps your shared vision alive.”
How to do it well
- This week’s date night: pick Dinner Date, Movie Night, Dancing, Sexy Time, or your own. Then set a date.
- Dream Big Together: add anything you want to look forward to, like a trip, a class, or a bucket-list moment. Add as many as you like.
- Protect the date like any other appointment. Phones away while you’re on it.
Dinner Date, Friday the 18th. The date is optional in the app; set it anyway.
Leaving it as “sometime this week”. Plans without a day rarely happen.
Dream Big: “Safari in Africa”, no date yet.
Turning Dream Big into a budget meeting. Name it now, plan it later.
Closing practice
A small physical gesture that tells you both the ritual is complete.
“Think of this as sealing the ritual.”
How to do it well
- Pick one or more: 6-Sec. Hug, Say “I Love You” to Each Other, High Five, Gentle Kiss, or your own.
- Do it even after a hard Safe Space. Especially then.
- If it’s a hug, hold it for the full six seconds.
A long hug, then a real “I love you”.
Tapping it while you’re already standing up to leave.
Final mood check
The same question as the start, answered again. Then you submit the ritual.
“Now that you’ve checked in with each other, take a moment to reflect on how connected you feel to Kelvin.”
How to do it well
- Answer on the same five-point scale, then pass the phone.
- The app shows how many rituals you’ve completed and how long this one took. “View Summary” keeps everything you wrote: gratitudes, to-dos, Safe Space summaries and plans.
- If a score went down, that’s information, not failure. Come back to it next week.
Compare your start and end answers together for a moment.
Treat a lower score as a verdict on the ritual. Some weeks are just heavier.
When it goes sideways
It will, sometimes. None of these mean the practice is not working.
One of you does all the talking
This is rarely about one partner caring less. Some people process out loud and some need a minute. Use the timer in Safe Space and split it evenly. It feels artificial for about two weeks, and then it does not.
It turns into an argument
Stop and name it. Agree in advance that either of you can call a pause, and that calling one is not a failure. Come back to it later in the week rather than pushing through while you are both activated. If it happens most weeks, look at the timing before you look at the relationship.
One of you says “I don’t have anything”
Take it at face value the first few times. Not every week holds something. If it is every week, they may be waiting to see whether the space is genuinely safe, and that answer gets built over months. Prompts help: a blank “what’s on your mind?” is a hard question, a specific one is easy.
You miss a week, or a month
Start again with a normal ritual. Do not do a catch-up covering everything you missed, which turns the return into a chore and makes the next lapse more likely. The couples who keep this are not the ones who never miss. They are the ones who restart without making it a thing.
Questions
What if one of us has nothing for Safe Space?
Share something small: a moment that stuck with you, or a request that would help you feel closer. A light topic is still worth a turn. The app needs a short summary for each of you, so you both take one.
What if Safe Space turns into an argument?
Stop and breathe together. Either of you can ask for a short break. When you come back, the listener mirrors again before anyone responds.
How long does the whole ritual take?
Most couples take 30 to 45 minutes. Your first few will run longer. The app shows how long each one took when you finish.
How often should we do it?
Once a week. A week is short enough that nothing calcifies and long enough that you both have something real to say. Monthly check-ins turn into long, heavy catch-ups because too much has piled up, and daily ones tend to get skipped.
What if my partner isn’t into it?
Start with the parts nobody argues with: gratitudes and something to look forward to. Twenty minutes, once. Most resistance is to an open-ended “we need to talk”, not to a structure with a known end. If they want the reasoning rather than the pitch, send them why do a weekly check-in?
Can we do this long distance?
Yes. Run the weekly ritual on a video call with one of you as the note taker, and use the daily voice ritual in between.
Do we need the app?
No. This practice started in a notebook, and a notebook still works. The app keeps the order, holds the timer, and saves what you write, so neither of you has to remember what came before.
Ready for this week’s ritual?
The app walks you through all eight steps, keeps the clock, and saves what you write.
